Our Journey…Sara’s perspective, part one

Since Brian has written his perspective, and done so beautifully I may add, I figured its time I do some reflecting on this journey as well. If you don’t want the gory details, please don’t feel like you have to read this. I am normally a very private person, but I believe God gave us this cross to bear to help others, so I feel it is important to be open and honest about our journey. If you are finding yourself in a similar situation, please email me any additional questions you may have at Sara.Scheller@me.com

In spring of 2010, we decided it was time to have a baby and start growing our family. Our fur baby was wonderful preparation and we felt we were finally ready…plus we had both finished our Masters degrees and felt the time was right. We were about to learn “our time” meant absolutely nothing!

After months of no success and irregular cycles, I went to see my wonderful OB/GYN, we’ll call her Dr. M. She thought I just needed a boost and started me on clomid, an often used drug to promote ovulation. We were hopeful that’s all my body would need! After several months, nothing had improved so we upped the dose of clomid and tested my blood for EVERYTHING. She also scheduled an ultrasound (u/s) to make sure everything physically was normal. The u/s and blood tests turned out fine and after another 3 months of frustration with clomid, she recommended I see a specialist in reproductive endocrinology (RE). I knew others who had seen this new dr, we’ll call him Dr. P, so we were very hopeful…again.

Right here, I need to say how supportive my principal and aide were through all of this. They were understanding about me being late some mornings and leaving early and always covering for me…and more importantly, never telling ANYONE why I was late or leaving early. You know who you are, you are amazing! It’s so important to work with people who understand when going through infertility treatment.

We started seeing Dr. P in Dec. 2011. We loved him, even though he could be very hard to understand, because he wasted no time whatsoever trying to “figure me out.” More importantly, we LOVED his nurses (S/O to all you nurses!)! I soon had an hsg, which is an X-ray to check the Fallopian tubes to make sure everything was open and clean. Everything looked good. It was a bit uncomfortable and I wished I had taken the rest of the day off afterwards, but luckily my 1st graders were very kind to me that afternoon. ūüôā

Then began a long cycle of treatment. Start a cycle with an u/s and clomid, go in for monitoring and another u/s a few days later, get an injection of follistim or gonal f to boost my ovaries to grow a nice follicle that would hopefully spit out an egg. More monitoring, more u/s, another shot to tell my brain to let my body ovulate, then a couple of days later, a quick in office procedure that we hoped and prayed two weeks later would bring a positive pregnancy test. 5 cycles like this, 2 of which I injected myself with drugs at home … or in the car … or wherever we were when the time came, and they all ended in heart ache. I lived my life in 2 week cycles-the first 2 weeks of drugs and monitoring, the second two of waiting.

Throughout all these cycles it seemed like EVERYONE else was pregnant, or holding their beautiful babies and polluting Facebook with adorable baby pics. While I love all of you who were these people and I was happy for you, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was failing my husband, our parents, our families. No one ever said this, nor do I honestly believe they even thought this, but ask did. Infertility is an emotionally debilitating disease, it affects your entire life.

Along the way, I confided in a few close friends, my mom, mother in law, and a few other family members. Everyone was wonderfully supportive and would listen to me cry, scream, and give them biology lessons. ūüôā I also found the amazing world of twitter, where I met countless women who were going through, or had been through, everything I was in the midst of. We supported each other because we KNEW what the other was going through. There is something about connecting with people who have been there. Amazing, loving support!

After failure #5, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to give up, but emotionally I was done for awhile. By now, it was August 2012 and I decided to focus on school and call Dr. P back when I was ready. Turns out, I was not ready for what he had to say….

I’ve gone on far too long. Guess there will be a part two! If you made it this far, thank you!

The (First) Big Day

It was a typical Tuesday in the Scheller household. ¬†I had gotten home and started fixing dinner. ¬†I had just come off of Godspell so I was done with rehearsals in the evening and could just relax. ¬†Sara came home a bit earlier than usual, but this was good as she would be teaching piano lessons. ¬†Sara knew that this could be the day she could see if she was pregnant, but really didn’t want to deal with it that day. ¬†However, her friends on Twitter (shout out to all those lovely Twitter people that have really been a great support system for Sara!) told her to take a test.

While I am in the kitchen cooking, I hear Sara yell and scream. ¬†I immediately ask her what is wrong. She comes in waving a pregnancy test saying, “Is there a line here?!?!?!?!” [Note: I am NOT one of those people that puts way too many exclamation points or question marks. ¬†However, this was the amount of yelling I was hearing]. ¬†Now, if you have ever looked at one of those tests, it can be VERY difficult to tell. ¬†To me, it looks like a line, but I don’t know if it is supposed to be darker than the control line or what. ¬†I believe my exact words were, “I don’t know. I think it is a line. ¬†I need one of the tests that tells you pregnant with the words on the test.” ¬†We were both kind of on overdrive, because this had never happened before. ¬†I don’t remember much of dinner, but it was decided that I would go get an idiot-proof test while Sara taught piano lessons.

I cleaned up dinner and just for fun decided to look up the due date, just for fun.  I put in our information and it spit back РDECEMBER 25TH.  What a great surprise!  God definitely had a plan here with that due date!  I think for Sara, piano lessons could end quickly enough for her.  She took the new test and it came back РPREGNANT.  There were definitely a lot of tears and hugging as a new reality set in.  It was the end of one journey, and the beginning of another!Our Good News

 

[Edit: So I’m a moron when I wrote on that piece of paper and wrote 2012 instead of 2013. ¬†D’oh! Just realized this as I blogged. ¬†Whoops!]

The sweetest sound

Brian is better at looking back than I am. Right now, I just need to look forward. At some point, I will reflect, but for now, I’m going to keep you posted with the here and now.

Friday was our 2nd appointment with our OB. I (Sara) was extremely nervous since we hadn’t seen our baby since 11 weeks and I was now 15 weeks along. We knew there would be no ultrasound but we were anxious to HEAR our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

We didn’t have to wait long. Our dr. immediately found our little squirt’s heartbeat and we heard the sweetest sound for the first time. It was a surreal moment. We had to ask her to keep the Doppler on for a bit longer so Brian could get my iPad set to record. She kindly obliged! I told Brian I needed it recorded for those days I worry (there are many), just so I can have a bit of reassurance that all is well in there!

I would post the video, but wordpress won’t let me…so if you’re a fellow wp blogger and can help a newbie out with this, I’d appreciate it.

For now, I am content that baby is healthy and thanking God for this new, tiny life!